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The chair of the LGB forum I'm part of has been asked to participate in a TV debate this weekend. The question is: Should gay people be honest about their sexuality?
If it was me, my answer would be 'when straight people start being honest about their sexuality, instead of assuming I know what it is, I'll start being honest about mine.' How is it okay to go around asking that? Like we've got some moral obligation to be out to people, and if we're not, we're lying. How is it our fault that society assumes we're straight until we say otherwise? Am I lying if I don't tell someone I'm gay and they continue to assume I'm not? Where are we drawing the line anyway? Do I have to tell the guy at the Chinese takeaway? All my co-workers? All the people using the community centre? Am I being dishonest if I don't tell every single person I have contact with that I'm gay, or can I be honest about my sexuality if I don't lie if someone asks me outright? I mean, I'm openly gay, but everyone I know doesn't know it, the same way that I don't know the sexuality of everyone I know.
I hate that our chair is going to stand up and say that, although there are places where maybe people can't be out, they should be if they can be, so that bigoted people can learn that gay people aren't some scary abstract, we're just like them. Why do I have to be a teaching tool for these people? Why do I have to put up with their stupid, bigoted comments so they can maybe learn that gay people are actually okay? Or maybe not learn it, and maybe become really difficult for me to deal with instead. Why does being gay compel me to be more selfless than straight people?
Why isn't the question 'should society stop assuming that people are straight, and stop reacting in such a way that people are nervous about being honest about their sexuality if they're not straight?' Or at least phrased in a way that doesn't imply that we have some obligation to be honest, because people would like to be able to avoid us, like people who want to know if they have a child molester living in their neighbourhood.
And most importantly, why is a representative of the forum more or less saying that he agrees with this? No-one has an obligation to reveal anything about their personal life that they don't want to, from little old me who's not important at all, to celebrities. I mean, personally, I don't think people should lie about it, but (a) that's not the same thing as having to be honest (you can just be silent, for example) and (b) it's none of my business or anyone else's whether people lie, are honest, neglect to mention, or whatever they feel comfortable with, their sexuality, and there's no 'have to be' about it.
ETA: Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think my answer is 'when I can be honest about my sexuality the same way straight people can be (without fear, without losing anything, and without being asked a million questions because clearly I'm telling you so you can learn from me) then we'll take about whether I should be. Until then, I should be about as much as my sister should be honest about how she likes to knit, which is to say, not at all.'
If it was me, my answer would be 'when straight people start being honest about their sexuality, instead of assuming I know what it is, I'll start being honest about mine.' How is it okay to go around asking that? Like we've got some moral obligation to be out to people, and if we're not, we're lying. How is it our fault that society assumes we're straight until we say otherwise? Am I lying if I don't tell someone I'm gay and they continue to assume I'm not? Where are we drawing the line anyway? Do I have to tell the guy at the Chinese takeaway? All my co-workers? All the people using the community centre? Am I being dishonest if I don't tell every single person I have contact with that I'm gay, or can I be honest about my sexuality if I don't lie if someone asks me outright? I mean, I'm openly gay, but everyone I know doesn't know it, the same way that I don't know the sexuality of everyone I know.
I hate that our chair is going to stand up and say that, although there are places where maybe people can't be out, they should be if they can be, so that bigoted people can learn that gay people aren't some scary abstract, we're just like them. Why do I have to be a teaching tool for these people? Why do I have to put up with their stupid, bigoted comments so they can maybe learn that gay people are actually okay? Or maybe not learn it, and maybe become really difficult for me to deal with instead. Why does being gay compel me to be more selfless than straight people?
Why isn't the question 'should society stop assuming that people are straight, and stop reacting in such a way that people are nervous about being honest about their sexuality if they're not straight?' Or at least phrased in a way that doesn't imply that we have some obligation to be honest, because people would like to be able to avoid us, like people who want to know if they have a child molester living in their neighbourhood.
And most importantly, why is a representative of the forum more or less saying that he agrees with this? No-one has an obligation to reveal anything about their personal life that they don't want to, from little old me who's not important at all, to celebrities. I mean, personally, I don't think people should lie about it, but (a) that's not the same thing as having to be honest (you can just be silent, for example) and (b) it's none of my business or anyone else's whether people lie, are honest, neglect to mention, or whatever they feel comfortable with, their sexuality, and there's no 'have to be' about it.
ETA: Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think my answer is 'when I can be honest about my sexuality the same way straight people can be (without fear, without losing anything, and without being asked a million questions because clearly I'm telling you so you can learn from me) then we'll take about whether I should be. Until then, I should be about as much as my sister should be honest about how she likes to knit, which is to say, not at all.'
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