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Lit Fest was amazing (I think - I'm so tired I feel sick, I have a streaming cold, and I just spent half an hour crying for no reason, so I may not have the clearest memory). Got to dress up as Horrid Henry, which was fun; rode in a lift with Ranulph Fiennes (he said: you looked stressed and damp, I said: that sounds about right; I was probably very snappish, but I think I smiled). Simon Schama went on stage drunk, though no-one seemed to mind, Andrew Marr was unsurprisingly awesome, and I got to hear about moss bears (they have another name, which I can't remember, but they can 'live' for 100 years with all the water drained out of them and then come back to life if more gets added. I can't stop thinking about the weirdness of that).
I also found this in The Times (the Times sponsor the festival, so we get a lot of free newspapers every day (like, 50,000 a lot). We all get very good at sudoku):
Things you only know if you're single...that 'I love you' may mean:
I want to love you; I love this; do that again; don’t leave; I feel I should love you; I love fucking you; my previous boy/girlfriend would never have done that; I’m sorry; I appear to like you more than all the others; shush; do what I want; you are infuriating; this silence embarrasses me; I have to go; I feel old; I feel responsible; I feel obliged to love you back; help me; I’m ending this; life without you may be preferable, but would be terrifying, rudderless, unknown; everyone else seems to love you; I love the look of you; stop shouting; I’m punching above my weight; I would appear to be in some way addicted to you; seeing you with someone else makes my chest hurt; there must be a reason why I have never felt more awful; I think about you as a way of not thinking about something else; I hate you; that song is playing; you cause me more pain than other people; I’m tired of being on my own; it’s comfortable having you around; I am sick of everyone else coming in two by two; you fit the definition of someone I might be expected to love; you appear to love me; I’m exhausted so this will suffice; loving someone makes me look like a functional human being; you make things easier while note having become an albatross about my neck; I’m tired of myself; Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwanzaa is coming up; I love myself in your company; you pay me the requisite attention; I relish our sense of conspiracy; you are a(nother) glorious and necessary distraction from my inglorious and unnecessary existence; you unnerve me; you raise my game; say that you love me.
About which I have two things to say:
1. This is why I don't care that I'm single, and why I don't particularly want to find someone to spend my life with. I don't want someone to mean any of that when they say that they love me, and I don't want to mean it when I say it to them (particularly the last one; I've done that, and it really hurts).
2. Why are we so often hung up in fic on the moment when one character says to another that they love them? I know in fic it's meant in a good way, but why does it have to be said in those words, when those words might mean any of this, even if they don't in that situation?
And that's it for me and depressing. I think I'm going to use my depressing mood to go write my Gen Kill exchange fic, because I really want the next John/Cam fic I write to be happier than the one I just finished.
I also found this in The Times (the Times sponsor the festival, so we get a lot of free newspapers every day (like, 50,000 a lot). We all get very good at sudoku):
Things you only know if you're single...that 'I love you' may mean:
I want to love you; I love this; do that again; don’t leave; I feel I should love you; I love fucking you; my previous boy/girlfriend would never have done that; I’m sorry; I appear to like you more than all the others; shush; do what I want; you are infuriating; this silence embarrasses me; I have to go; I feel old; I feel responsible; I feel obliged to love you back; help me; I’m ending this; life without you may be preferable, but would be terrifying, rudderless, unknown; everyone else seems to love you; I love the look of you; stop shouting; I’m punching above my weight; I would appear to be in some way addicted to you; seeing you with someone else makes my chest hurt; there must be a reason why I have never felt more awful; I think about you as a way of not thinking about something else; I hate you; that song is playing; you cause me more pain than other people; I’m tired of being on my own; it’s comfortable having you around; I am sick of everyone else coming in two by two; you fit the definition of someone I might be expected to love; you appear to love me; I’m exhausted so this will suffice; loving someone makes me look like a functional human being; you make things easier while note having become an albatross about my neck; I’m tired of myself; Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwanzaa is coming up; I love myself in your company; you pay me the requisite attention; I relish our sense of conspiracy; you are a(nother) glorious and necessary distraction from my inglorious and unnecessary existence; you unnerve me; you raise my game; say that you love me.
About which I have two things to say:
1. This is why I don't care that I'm single, and why I don't particularly want to find someone to spend my life with. I don't want someone to mean any of that when they say that they love me, and I don't want to mean it when I say it to them (particularly the last one; I've done that, and it really hurts).
2. Why are we so often hung up in fic on the moment when one character says to another that they love them? I know in fic it's meant in a good way, but why does it have to be said in those words, when those words might mean any of this, even if they don't in that situation?
And that's it for me and depressing. I think I'm going to use my depressing mood to go write my Gen Kill exchange fic, because I really want the next John/Cam fic I write to be happier than the one I just finished.
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Yes, I love you can mean all those things, and I think I've said them all in the relationships I've been in.
I don't think I've ever written a story where 'I love you' is the focus, or even a terribly important statement. But then, 'I love you' isn't a terribly important statement to me in particular. And I can usually interpret what it means these days.
I'm sorry about the fic. Is it one of those cases where the author is working through their own issue? Because that can be painful to watch.
If it helps, I have a friend writing John/Cam for a fest you're running that I think you'll love. And she has a major crush on you and your John/Cam fics.
ETA: OMG I pulled out four misspellings before I posted this, and there STILL was another one. I think I'm going blind as well as senile.
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Oh, no, I wrote it :o) I don't think I'm working through any issues (though it wouldn't be the first time I did it in fic) it's just depressing as hell. I mean, it's meant to be, but still. I want to write happy fic (and I even have a plot idea for it, which makes a nice change!)
If it helps, I have a friend writing John/Cam for a fest you're running that I think you'll love
Yay! It feels like there's hardly any at the moment, possibly because all the John/Cam people are writing for the same fest :o)
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I can see it being an interesting plot device - though not one that appeals to me in particular. It's fascinating what appeals to me as a writer as opposed to me as a reader. *shrug*
At least when the fest goes live, you'll have lots of John/Cam fic!
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I know :o) This whole waiting thing is killing me.
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And to rain on your parade some more, I just went and peeked at my friend's fic... and it's not John/Cam, it's Cam/Daniel. :(
Clearly I was smoking something when I wrote that first comment. Also, I think I should stop commenting altogether, as I'm no longer certain she's writing it for a fest you're running (it might be though!), and I should probably go hide in a hole now.
Instead, I'm off to more lectures about research law... which just means that if you see more comments from me, take them with a pound of salt, as my brain has been turned to mush. :(
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Clearly I was smoking something when I wrote that first comment. Also, I think I should stop commenting altogether, as I'm no longer certain she's writing it for a fest you're running (it might be though!), and I should probably go hide in a hole now.
Hmm, but that's a good thing, it means there's even more Cam fic out there than I was anticipating :o)
Research law sounds...incredibly dull. Hope you don't doze off...
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I've never said "I love you" in a romantic sense (due to lack of opportunity, not because of any particular dislike of the phrase!) but as a writer who can get schmoopy at times, I like "I love you" *because* it can mean so many things. It can be John saying it, the words practically torn out of him considering he's such a closed off person. Or it can be Cam saying it to his parents, which is an easy and open and familiar love. Or it can be Daniel saying it to Vala, in an off-hand tone, but really meaning a whole lot more. The phrase can be cliched, but the way it can be used is near infinite, IMHO!
My cm_tropefic will likely be very angsty. At first I promised gaffsie to go with the slightly less angsty kidfic, but the really angsty plot bunny won't leave me alone. So, um, if you don't want to read it because it's too depressing, that's fine. *g* I hope you have better luck writing happy John/Cam!
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I do too - I don't think I explained myself very well, since someone took away from this that I don't believe in love, when what I meant was, I don't think romantic love is the most important thing ever (obviously I believe in love. I have lots of people I love. Sorry, rambling. Posisbly slightly upset by that, for some reason). I like it in stories, I like stories where people say it, I just don't see why it's used as the ultimate sign that someone really does, when they're just words like any others. I dunno, I think I still fail at explaining this.
My cm_tropefic will likely be very angsty.
I like angsty :o) Well, as long as I have tissues to hand, and no-one dies. I can't hack death fic. Is it Red Ribbon verse?
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No, that makes perfect sense. Like people who say it like they expect to get a prize for saying it, like the phrase is proof of purchase or something, even if their actions don't back it up.