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Continued from Part One
“You asked a US Marine to babysit our son,” Cam says, leaning in the kitchen doorway with his mug of coffee and watching John tie Alex’s shoe laces ready for day care.
“Not so tight,” Alex says, like he has done every morning for the last six months. Cam can’t tell if John keeps doing it just for Alex’s comment, or if Alex just says it out of habit.
“Sorry, buddy,” John says, starting to retie the laces. “Yeah, Laura Cadman.”
“Yeah, well, a US Marine,” Cam repeats. “Alex, did you grab your helicopter?”
Alex nods, watching John’s hands on his laces with excessive concentration.
“She’s good with kids,” John says. “Alex likes her.”
“Alex likes everyone,” Cam says. It’s true; since John started at the Mountain, their apartment has become a weird kind of home for wayward ex-Lanteans still working for the SGC or in Colorado Springs. John’s ex-staff seem to think they’re completely incapable of looking after themselves; or, which Cam thinks is more likely, they like Alex, as much as he likes them, and John and Cam are just the excuse to come spend time with their son.
“You’d prefer Vala?” John asks.
“Vala!” Alex bounces a little; he may like pretty much everyone they know, but he definitely likes the really tough women best; apparently Teyla had a strong influence on him for the two weeks he was in Atlantis.
“No, not Vala,” John says firmly; he’s less taken with her than Alex, possibly because the first time they met on Earth, she offered her services to spice up their relationship, which might not have been such a problem if she hadn’t said it in front of General Landry.
“How about Teal’c?” Cam suggests. “He’s great with Alex, and he won’t teach our son how to make a bomb out of a toilet roll and some aluminum foil.”
“Pretty sure Cadman doesn’t know how to do that,” John says. He ties the last of Alex’s laces and pats his knee. “Good to go. Go find your coat.”
“Why do we need anyone to babysit?” Cam asks over the thud of small feet down the hall.
“Because nearly three is still too young to leave him alone for the evening,” John says, sitting back on his heels and holding up a hand for Cam to pull him up.
“No, that I got,” Cam says. “Why are we leaving him alone with anyone this evening?”
There’s only really one possible answer, which is that John wants to go out, the two of them, like a date, and Cam’s half-smiling already, waiting for John to admit to it, because he’ll say yes, of course, but it’s fairly un-John like behavior, something to tease him for. Except John’s got his head tipped down, shoulders tense, way too nervous for this to be what Cam thinks it is. “John?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” John says. “I just – can we talk about it later?”
“Sure,” Cam says. He doesn’t have a choice anyway, with Alex barreling back down the hall, crashing into his knees and catching his ankle right above his boot with one of the metal toggles on his coat. “All set?”
“Aye aye, sir,” Alex says, which is another thing for which to blame Cadman and the rest of John’s wayward marines, unless the day care staff at Petersen have suddenly defected to the navy.
“Good job.” Cam crouches down to fasten Alex’s coat for him. “Say bye to Daddy.”
John kneels for a hug, smiling at Alex, and Cam’s glad that Alex is too young to realize John’s smile is fake. The nightmares have been tapering off for the last couple of months, and Cam doesn’t want anything to start them up again; regular monster-in-the-closet nightmares he can handle. Half-remembered Wraith attacks, not so much.
He takes Alex’s hand, fishes his car keys out of his pocket, and pulls John to his feet again, not letting go of his wrist even when John’s upright. “Call Cadman,” he says. “Get her over here. You need me to book something?”
John shakes his head. “Got it covered,” he says, and that just makes Cam worry more.
*
Two and a half months after he and Alex came home, John got really quiet, pretty much overnight. Or rather, he got really quiet with Cam; with Alex, nothing changed, but as soon as they put him to bed, it was like someone had flipped a switch, like John faded out. His laptop, which usually only came out when Alex was around, the two of them playing on it together, started appearing as soon as John sat down, the click of the keys a steady counterpoint to whatever Cam was occupying himself with.
He snuck a quick look a couple of times while John was out of the room; he was writing emails, the kind that went on for pages, to McKay and Teyla and Ronon. It wouldn’t have been anything much to comment on, except that Cam had five years of John’s voice through email, and they didn’t sound like him. Too stilted, too overtly happy, but he couldn’t exactly put that to John: you sound too happy, what’s wrong?
Still, it was weird, made more weird by the way John, who always slept close anyway, would curl tight into Cam when they went to bed, like he couldn’t get close enough. He didn’t say anything when Cam whispered, “What’s wrong? Talk to me,” faking sleep even though he had to know Cam wasn’t fooled.
In the end, Cam did the one thing that he thought might actually help, considering he didn’t know what he was trying to help *with*: swung a day off to match John’s, cleared it with Petersen via Landry, and took John with him onto the base while Alex was at day care.
“I spend enough time at work as it is,” John grumbled – Cam had talked him into coming to drop Cam and Alex off, then taken the car keys. “I don’t need to spend my day off at your office.”
“You’re not,” Cam assured him. He held the door to the locker room, then poked John in the back when he didn’t move. “I know you’re sleep deprived this week, but let’s go.”
“I don’t –“ John started, then stopped, moving mechanically over to where they kept spare kit. It wasn’t exactly the reaction Cam had been hoping for, but then, John hadn’t seen the main part of his cunning plan.
Cam’s always loved to watch John fly, from the earth or from the air, hell, even in space, a couple of times. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that he loves it, was born to be up there making planes and spaceships and helicopters do improbable, unlikely things like they were made for it. Watching him is one of Cam’s guilty pleasures, one he doesn’t get to indulge very often.
It turned out that being a passenger while John was flying was a hell of a lot more intense, John’s voice low in his ear piece, a running commentary on what he was doing to one of Cam’s 201 fighters, something John couldn’t have logged more than a couple of hours on, ever. He was better than a couple of Cam’s early trainees, something that Cam chose to attribute more to John’s natural brilliance than to Cam’s own shortcomings as a trainer.
When they climbed out, John’s eyes were slightly glazed, his mouth curved up in a satisfied smile that Cam hadn’t realized he’d missed, and Cam’s whole body was tingling, like he’d been plugged into a low electric current the whole time.
“Can we –“ John said, and actually flushed. “Can we go home? Now?”
“Hell, yeah,” Cam said, and they wound up jerking each other off against the front door of their apartment, pants shoved down and still wearing their coats.
After, they collapsed on the hall floor, grateful for the soft rug Teyla had sent them – or at least Cam was grateful. John was mostly draped over Cam, so maybe the comfort level of the floor bothered him less. “What was that for?” John asked.
Cam didn’t bother pretending he thought John meant the sex. “Seemed like you might need it,” he said instead.
John nodded against his shoulder. “First new group of marines arrived in Atlantis a few days ago,” he said.
Cam waited, but John seemed to be done, slowly going utterly boneless against Cam as he slid into sleep, and Cam could fill in the gaps for himself, anyway.
*
Things seemed like they got better after that, but now Cam’s wondering if it’s just that John realized how obvious he was being and hid it better. He’s trying to stop himself from thinking that, focusing on Alex’s narration of their walk from the parking lot to the childcare building, when Captain Harris jogs across to them.
“Morning, sir,” she says, saluting. Cam returns it with a nod – it took him a while to relearn the habit of saluting. “Morning Alex.”
Alex waves. “Hi, Alison.”
“Mind if I walk with you?” Harris asks, addressing Alex but looking to Cam for the final response. He nods, happy to have her company as they have some mornings, since her group finished training and she got permanently assigned at Petersen. Cam’s pretty sure the SGC are angling to recruit her, judging by some of the faces he’s seen around lately; not that anyone’s asking him, but he thinks she’d be good there, and he thinks again of asking her over to their apartment, maybe letting her meet Cadman.
“Dad,” Alex says, tugging at the leg of Cam’s uniform pants impatiently.
“What’s up, buddy?”
“Too slow. Gon’be late.”
Cam glances at his watch – Alex is right. “It’s okay, you can tell your teacher it’s my fault.”
Alex nods solemnly, running a few steps ahead of them. He knows not to get too far away, or out of Cam’s sight, even on the base where he’s perfectly safe. Cam’s a little bit of a paranoid parent, though nothing compared to John, who seems to have fixated on the dangers of Earth now that he doesn’t have the Wraith to worry about.
Harris smiles, falling into step with Cam. “I know you don’t believe me, sir,” she says, watching Alex stumble into the legs of a young airman, who rights him carefully, glancing over at Cam. “But he really does have your eyes.”
Cam rolls his eyes at her, but he can’t help grinning. “He the product of some medical mystery I’m currently unaware of?” he asks, safe in the knowledge that she won’t – yet – realize how close to the truth this is. Of course, it’ll all be different if she does end up at SGC.
“Must be,” she says. “He’s going to be so handsome when he grows up.”
“Yeah, well, his dad already is,” Cam says, knowing he’s blushing as much as he’s grinning. The novelty of people knowing about John hasn’t worn off yet. He kind of hopes it never does.
*
“You’re late,” John says when Cam and Alex walk through the front door that evening. He’s dressed in jeans and a white shirt, open at the neck, and when he comes across the room to pick Alex up and hug him, Cam can smell his aftershave, dark and smoky.
“Sorry,” he says. “Traffic.” He will never, ever get used to the way that they complain about the traffic on their commutes, when they used to go to work via wormhole and live a galaxy apart. Somehow, life has become more weird since he left the Mountain, rather than less.
“Cadman’ll be here soon, go shower,” John says firmly.
“Yes, dear,” Cam says, grinning, and John sticks his tongue out at him, making Alex laugh. “Am I dressing up?”
John looks him up and down, taking in the worn jeans he grabbed that morning, and his USAF t-shirt. “More than that,” he says.
“You’re a big help,” Cam says, mock-sincere, and kisses him. Alex says, “Dad!” right in his ear, so Cam kisses him as well, caught up in his little family.
John snorts in amusement. “Shower. Decent clothes. Go, unless you want Cadman to see you in just a towel.”
Cam definitely does not want that, not least because he’s absolutely sure she’d find a way to take pictures, which would end up making the rounds of the SGC, and he’s heard quite enough jokes about him losing his pants, thank you very much. He heads down the hall, catching John’s voice telling Alex they’ve had an email from Teyla and Torren as he turns into the bathroom.
When he comes back out in jeans and a dark shirt, Cadman’s shown up and brought –
“Cameron!”
Cam just has time to blink before Vala throws herself into his arms like she hasn’t seen him in weeks, rather than having been at the park with him, John, Alex and Teal’c a couple of weeks ago. To his surprise, she’s showing no signs of intending to leave Earth, and has even been assigned officially to SG-5, where she’s happily driving Colonel Teldy, recently promoted and returned from Atlantis, completely nuts, by all accounts.
“Vala,” he says, closing his arms round her waist in case she decides she doesn’t need to keep her feet on the floor after all. “Cadman,” he adds over Vala’s head to where Cadman’s on the floor with Alex and a board game.
“Mitchell,” she says, grinning. “Hope you don’t mind me bringing a friend.”
“Hey, if you need back-up to look after my son, who am I to argue?” Cam releases Vala, who gives him one last squeeze before heading back to the floor. She sits very close to Cadman, drawing one knee up to rest against the captain’s shoulder, and Cadman looks over with a quick grin.
“Anyone seen John?” Cam asks, biting down on the urge to comment. It reminds him of being a teenager, going with the girl he was seeing to help babysit her next door neighbor’s kids, and so they could make out on the sofa once the kids were in bed. He’d rather not think about Cadman and Vala doing exactly that while he and John are out.
“Hiding in the kitchen,” Cadman says.
“Too much estrogen in the room for the poor boy,” Vala says, sounding terribly sad for him.
“What’s that?” Alex asks, looking up from where he’s either making a tower of game pieces or arranging an orgy between the plastic dog, the chicken and the thing that’s either a camel or a frog. Which is not a thought Cam ever expected to have.
“Think I’ll go find him,” he says, before anyone can ask him to explain hormones to his nearly-three year old child.
John is indeed in the kitchen, leaning on the sink and looking out at the street-lit parking lot below them. “Cadman says you’re hiding,” Cam says.
John half-turns, nodding. “Did you know they were sleeping together?”
Cam shakes his head. It’s not really all that surprising, though John seems a little stunned.
“You don’t think they’re planning on having sex here, once Alex is in bed, do you?” John asks, looking genuinely worried about it.
“I think we should leave before they hear you and decide to do it just to mess with your head,” Cam says firmly.
*
They end up at Zio’s, which Alex likes for the open kitchen, John likes for their seafood alfredo and Cam thinks is an over-commercialized travesty of what Italian food should really taste like, no matter how good their cheesecake is. They’ve been there often enough that it’s familiar and comfortable, at least in part because no-one ever looks twice at two men with a child, which sadly can’t be said for a lot of other places.
Cam’s bracing himself for bad news as soon as they walk in, because he knows John well enough to know that if this was just supposed to be a date, they’d be somewhere a lot less generic. John’s chosen Zio’s because it’s somewhere they both feel safe, and because he has something to say that he’s not sure Cam’s going to react well enough to for it to be said at home, when Alex is around.
“Want to order a bottle of wine?” John asks. He sounds so close to normal, like he’s really trying hard to keep Cam from noticing the incredibly obvious, that Cam can’t help but go with it. John’ll get to the point eventually, and pushing for it never works.
“Sure,” he says, and lets John choose. They won’t drink much of it, since someone has to drive them home, but he’s fairly sure they could both do with something to help them relax.
Cam doesn’t pay much attention to what they talk about through dinner, tucked away in a corner of the restaurant, out of hearing distance of the handful of other diners. His mind’s going double-time wondering what John wants to tell him. He’s been recalled to Atlantis for some reason. He’s being promoted and transferred out of the SGC. There’s some kind of problem with Alex, with him being on Earth, or being with Cam, or mixing with Earth children. John wants to go back to Atlantis, with Alex. John wants to go back to Atlantis, without Alex.
When John asks if he wants dessert, he cracks, unable to take the waiting and the worst case scenarios spinning out in his head. “What’s going on?” he asks, glad that his voice comes out sounding normal and relaxed, rather than like he’s ready to snap.
John twirls his half-empty wine glass by the stem, spilling drops of white wine onto the table. “Nothing’s wrong,” he says.
“Okay,” Cam says slowly. “That doesn’t answer the question.”
John gives him a self-deprecating smile. “It’s not –“ He stops, sighs, then looks right at Cam. “I want to quit. The SGC, the Air Force.”
Of all the possible things John could have said, that’s so much better than any of them that Cam wants to just nod, say okay, sure, go for it, out of sheer relief. “Why?” he says instead. John’s got eighteen months to his twenty years.
John sighs again. “I’m bored out of my mind,” he says, sounding like he’s been waiting a while to say it. “I was actually happy to hear the base alarm go off last week, just because it meant I could actually do something worth doing, take a break from paperwork and vetting scientists. All of whom McKay will hate and lecture me about at length by email.”
“Why not ask for a transfer?” Cam asks. He’s pretty sure Landry would pull some strings, if only because O’Neill told him to.
“Where to?” John asks. He’s starting to look a little desperate around the corners of his eyes, the way he used to when he’d been on Earth too long, needed to get home. This is by far the longest he’s been on Earth since he first went to Atlantis. “I can’t – there’s nothing I want that wouldn’t risk leaving you and Alex on your own. I didn’t join the Air Force to fill out forms and turn things on.”
Cam nods, because it’s not like he doesn’t understand that; it’s why he’s not on SG1 any more, why SG1 doesn’t currently exist, and why he’s glad he’s on the 201 program, where he feels like he’s still doing something important, something that matters, even if it’s not him on the front line any more. “What would you do instead?” It’s not like John doesn’t have the money to do nothing, if he wants, from seven years of mostly unused pay while he was in Atlantis, as well as what his dad left him, but if John’s bored at the SGC, he’ll go insane doing nothing.
John looks down, tracing a pattern with the spilled drops of wine, and Cam thinks he’s blushing, though it’s hard to tell in the dim lighting. “I thought, maybe… Colorado has the alternative licensing program, and they’re always looking for math specialists. And working with marines is a lot like working with teenagers some days…”
He trails off, and Cam finally manages to put together what he’s not saying. “High school,” he says. “You want to teach.”
John nods, still studying the table. “I don’t know if I’d be any good, but – but it’s safe, and it’s more… It’s better than pushing paper at the SGC, even for Atlantis.”
“John.” Cam reaches across to touch the back of his hand, waiting for John to look up. “You don’t have to justify it. If it’s what you want…” It’s obvious straight away that John needs more than that, and Cam’s happy to give it, especially when it’s true. “You’ll be great,” he says.
John laughs, still self-conscious, but pleased. “It’s okay? With you?”
“Whatever you want,” Cam says sincerely. “You don’t need my permission, anyway.”
John makes a weird face. “Of course I do,” he says, like it’s obvious.
*
Laura and Vala are fully dressed and watching a gory-looking horror movie over a nearly empty bowl of popcorn when John and Cam get home.
“You’re late,” Vala says, looking pointedly at her watch.
“It’s barely midnight,” Cam protests.
“Some of us need our beauty sleep, Cameron,” Vala says primly.
“By which she means neither of us,” Cadman puts in, standing up and taking the bowl through to the kitchen.
“Naturally, darling,” Vala says over her shoulder. She turns back to Cam and John, who’s unfastening his jacket with great concentration. “Now, boys, what kind of example are you setting to your impressionable young son by staying out until all hours?”
“The kind that he won’t notice because he’s in bed asleep,” John says dryly. “Cadman, any problems?”
“No, sir,” she says as she comes back into the kitchen. “Absolute angel, nothing like his father.”
John shakes his head. “I could still have you up for insubordination, Captain.”
“Not for much longer,” Cam mutters, too low for anyone but John, stood right next to him, to hear. John grins.
“Well, it’s been a pleasure,” Cadman says, offering Vala a hand up from the couch. “And now it’s time for us to go home.”
“Ah, the delights of a cold empty room under a hundred feet of rock,” Vala says pointedly.
Cadman rolls her eyes. “Fine, come stay on my couch. I don’t know why I’m not charging you rent.” Vala opens her mouth, and Cadman puts one hand firmly over it. “Please don’t answer that. He used to be my CO.”
“You’re no fun,” Vala says, but she puts on her coat and shoes and leaves behind Cadman without any more innuendo, which Cam thinks may just be a first.
John locks the door behind them and drifts over to where Cam’s unplugging the TV. “Ready for bed?” he asks, wrapping his arms round Cam from behind.
“Soon as I check on Alex,” Cam agrees, but they stay where they are, pressed together in the lamplight, home.
“You asked a US Marine to babysit our son,” Cam says, leaning in the kitchen doorway with his mug of coffee and watching John tie Alex’s shoe laces ready for day care.
“Not so tight,” Alex says, like he has done every morning for the last six months. Cam can’t tell if John keeps doing it just for Alex’s comment, or if Alex just says it out of habit.
“Sorry, buddy,” John says, starting to retie the laces. “Yeah, Laura Cadman.”
“Yeah, well, a US Marine,” Cam repeats. “Alex, did you grab your helicopter?”
Alex nods, watching John’s hands on his laces with excessive concentration.
“She’s good with kids,” John says. “Alex likes her.”
“Alex likes everyone,” Cam says. It’s true; since John started at the Mountain, their apartment has become a weird kind of home for wayward ex-Lanteans still working for the SGC or in Colorado Springs. John’s ex-staff seem to think they’re completely incapable of looking after themselves; or, which Cam thinks is more likely, they like Alex, as much as he likes them, and John and Cam are just the excuse to come spend time with their son.
“You’d prefer Vala?” John asks.
“Vala!” Alex bounces a little; he may like pretty much everyone they know, but he definitely likes the really tough women best; apparently Teyla had a strong influence on him for the two weeks he was in Atlantis.
“No, not Vala,” John says firmly; he’s less taken with her than Alex, possibly because the first time they met on Earth, she offered her services to spice up their relationship, which might not have been such a problem if she hadn’t said it in front of General Landry.
“How about Teal’c?” Cam suggests. “He’s great with Alex, and he won’t teach our son how to make a bomb out of a toilet roll and some aluminum foil.”
“Pretty sure Cadman doesn’t know how to do that,” John says. He ties the last of Alex’s laces and pats his knee. “Good to go. Go find your coat.”
“Why do we need anyone to babysit?” Cam asks over the thud of small feet down the hall.
“Because nearly three is still too young to leave him alone for the evening,” John says, sitting back on his heels and holding up a hand for Cam to pull him up.
“No, that I got,” Cam says. “Why are we leaving him alone with anyone this evening?”
There’s only really one possible answer, which is that John wants to go out, the two of them, like a date, and Cam’s half-smiling already, waiting for John to admit to it, because he’ll say yes, of course, but it’s fairly un-John like behavior, something to tease him for. Except John’s got his head tipped down, shoulders tense, way too nervous for this to be what Cam thinks it is. “John?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” John says. “I just – can we talk about it later?”
“Sure,” Cam says. He doesn’t have a choice anyway, with Alex barreling back down the hall, crashing into his knees and catching his ankle right above his boot with one of the metal toggles on his coat. “All set?”
“Aye aye, sir,” Alex says, which is another thing for which to blame Cadman and the rest of John’s wayward marines, unless the day care staff at Petersen have suddenly defected to the navy.
“Good job.” Cam crouches down to fasten Alex’s coat for him. “Say bye to Daddy.”
John kneels for a hug, smiling at Alex, and Cam’s glad that Alex is too young to realize John’s smile is fake. The nightmares have been tapering off for the last couple of months, and Cam doesn’t want anything to start them up again; regular monster-in-the-closet nightmares he can handle. Half-remembered Wraith attacks, not so much.
He takes Alex’s hand, fishes his car keys out of his pocket, and pulls John to his feet again, not letting go of his wrist even when John’s upright. “Call Cadman,” he says. “Get her over here. You need me to book something?”
John shakes his head. “Got it covered,” he says, and that just makes Cam worry more.
*
Two and a half months after he and Alex came home, John got really quiet, pretty much overnight. Or rather, he got really quiet with Cam; with Alex, nothing changed, but as soon as they put him to bed, it was like someone had flipped a switch, like John faded out. His laptop, which usually only came out when Alex was around, the two of them playing on it together, started appearing as soon as John sat down, the click of the keys a steady counterpoint to whatever Cam was occupying himself with.
He snuck a quick look a couple of times while John was out of the room; he was writing emails, the kind that went on for pages, to McKay and Teyla and Ronon. It wouldn’t have been anything much to comment on, except that Cam had five years of John’s voice through email, and they didn’t sound like him. Too stilted, too overtly happy, but he couldn’t exactly put that to John: you sound too happy, what’s wrong?
Still, it was weird, made more weird by the way John, who always slept close anyway, would curl tight into Cam when they went to bed, like he couldn’t get close enough. He didn’t say anything when Cam whispered, “What’s wrong? Talk to me,” faking sleep even though he had to know Cam wasn’t fooled.
In the end, Cam did the one thing that he thought might actually help, considering he didn’t know what he was trying to help *with*: swung a day off to match John’s, cleared it with Petersen via Landry, and took John with him onto the base while Alex was at day care.
“I spend enough time at work as it is,” John grumbled – Cam had talked him into coming to drop Cam and Alex off, then taken the car keys. “I don’t need to spend my day off at your office.”
“You’re not,” Cam assured him. He held the door to the locker room, then poked John in the back when he didn’t move. “I know you’re sleep deprived this week, but let’s go.”
“I don’t –“ John started, then stopped, moving mechanically over to where they kept spare kit. It wasn’t exactly the reaction Cam had been hoping for, but then, John hadn’t seen the main part of his cunning plan.
Cam’s always loved to watch John fly, from the earth or from the air, hell, even in space, a couple of times. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that he loves it, was born to be up there making planes and spaceships and helicopters do improbable, unlikely things like they were made for it. Watching him is one of Cam’s guilty pleasures, one he doesn’t get to indulge very often.
It turned out that being a passenger while John was flying was a hell of a lot more intense, John’s voice low in his ear piece, a running commentary on what he was doing to one of Cam’s 201 fighters, something John couldn’t have logged more than a couple of hours on, ever. He was better than a couple of Cam’s early trainees, something that Cam chose to attribute more to John’s natural brilliance than to Cam’s own shortcomings as a trainer.
When they climbed out, John’s eyes were slightly glazed, his mouth curved up in a satisfied smile that Cam hadn’t realized he’d missed, and Cam’s whole body was tingling, like he’d been plugged into a low electric current the whole time.
“Can we –“ John said, and actually flushed. “Can we go home? Now?”
“Hell, yeah,” Cam said, and they wound up jerking each other off against the front door of their apartment, pants shoved down and still wearing their coats.
After, they collapsed on the hall floor, grateful for the soft rug Teyla had sent them – or at least Cam was grateful. John was mostly draped over Cam, so maybe the comfort level of the floor bothered him less. “What was that for?” John asked.
Cam didn’t bother pretending he thought John meant the sex. “Seemed like you might need it,” he said instead.
John nodded against his shoulder. “First new group of marines arrived in Atlantis a few days ago,” he said.
Cam waited, but John seemed to be done, slowly going utterly boneless against Cam as he slid into sleep, and Cam could fill in the gaps for himself, anyway.
*
Things seemed like they got better after that, but now Cam’s wondering if it’s just that John realized how obvious he was being and hid it better. He’s trying to stop himself from thinking that, focusing on Alex’s narration of their walk from the parking lot to the childcare building, when Captain Harris jogs across to them.
“Morning, sir,” she says, saluting. Cam returns it with a nod – it took him a while to relearn the habit of saluting. “Morning Alex.”
Alex waves. “Hi, Alison.”
“Mind if I walk with you?” Harris asks, addressing Alex but looking to Cam for the final response. He nods, happy to have her company as they have some mornings, since her group finished training and she got permanently assigned at Petersen. Cam’s pretty sure the SGC are angling to recruit her, judging by some of the faces he’s seen around lately; not that anyone’s asking him, but he thinks she’d be good there, and he thinks again of asking her over to their apartment, maybe letting her meet Cadman.
“Dad,” Alex says, tugging at the leg of Cam’s uniform pants impatiently.
“What’s up, buddy?”
“Too slow. Gon’be late.”
Cam glances at his watch – Alex is right. “It’s okay, you can tell your teacher it’s my fault.”
Alex nods solemnly, running a few steps ahead of them. He knows not to get too far away, or out of Cam’s sight, even on the base where he’s perfectly safe. Cam’s a little bit of a paranoid parent, though nothing compared to John, who seems to have fixated on the dangers of Earth now that he doesn’t have the Wraith to worry about.
Harris smiles, falling into step with Cam. “I know you don’t believe me, sir,” she says, watching Alex stumble into the legs of a young airman, who rights him carefully, glancing over at Cam. “But he really does have your eyes.”
Cam rolls his eyes at her, but he can’t help grinning. “He the product of some medical mystery I’m currently unaware of?” he asks, safe in the knowledge that she won’t – yet – realize how close to the truth this is. Of course, it’ll all be different if she does end up at SGC.
“Must be,” she says. “He’s going to be so handsome when he grows up.”
“Yeah, well, his dad already is,” Cam says, knowing he’s blushing as much as he’s grinning. The novelty of people knowing about John hasn’t worn off yet. He kind of hopes it never does.
*
“You’re late,” John says when Cam and Alex walk through the front door that evening. He’s dressed in jeans and a white shirt, open at the neck, and when he comes across the room to pick Alex up and hug him, Cam can smell his aftershave, dark and smoky.
“Sorry,” he says. “Traffic.” He will never, ever get used to the way that they complain about the traffic on their commutes, when they used to go to work via wormhole and live a galaxy apart. Somehow, life has become more weird since he left the Mountain, rather than less.
“Cadman’ll be here soon, go shower,” John says firmly.
“Yes, dear,” Cam says, grinning, and John sticks his tongue out at him, making Alex laugh. “Am I dressing up?”
John looks him up and down, taking in the worn jeans he grabbed that morning, and his USAF t-shirt. “More than that,” he says.
“You’re a big help,” Cam says, mock-sincere, and kisses him. Alex says, “Dad!” right in his ear, so Cam kisses him as well, caught up in his little family.
John snorts in amusement. “Shower. Decent clothes. Go, unless you want Cadman to see you in just a towel.”
Cam definitely does not want that, not least because he’s absolutely sure she’d find a way to take pictures, which would end up making the rounds of the SGC, and he’s heard quite enough jokes about him losing his pants, thank you very much. He heads down the hall, catching John’s voice telling Alex they’ve had an email from Teyla and Torren as he turns into the bathroom.
When he comes back out in jeans and a dark shirt, Cadman’s shown up and brought –
“Cameron!”
Cam just has time to blink before Vala throws herself into his arms like she hasn’t seen him in weeks, rather than having been at the park with him, John, Alex and Teal’c a couple of weeks ago. To his surprise, she’s showing no signs of intending to leave Earth, and has even been assigned officially to SG-5, where she’s happily driving Colonel Teldy, recently promoted and returned from Atlantis, completely nuts, by all accounts.
“Vala,” he says, closing his arms round her waist in case she decides she doesn’t need to keep her feet on the floor after all. “Cadman,” he adds over Vala’s head to where Cadman’s on the floor with Alex and a board game.
“Mitchell,” she says, grinning. “Hope you don’t mind me bringing a friend.”
“Hey, if you need back-up to look after my son, who am I to argue?” Cam releases Vala, who gives him one last squeeze before heading back to the floor. She sits very close to Cadman, drawing one knee up to rest against the captain’s shoulder, and Cadman looks over with a quick grin.
“Anyone seen John?” Cam asks, biting down on the urge to comment. It reminds him of being a teenager, going with the girl he was seeing to help babysit her next door neighbor’s kids, and so they could make out on the sofa once the kids were in bed. He’d rather not think about Cadman and Vala doing exactly that while he and John are out.
“Hiding in the kitchen,” Cadman says.
“Too much estrogen in the room for the poor boy,” Vala says, sounding terribly sad for him.
“What’s that?” Alex asks, looking up from where he’s either making a tower of game pieces or arranging an orgy between the plastic dog, the chicken and the thing that’s either a camel or a frog. Which is not a thought Cam ever expected to have.
“Think I’ll go find him,” he says, before anyone can ask him to explain hormones to his nearly-three year old child.
John is indeed in the kitchen, leaning on the sink and looking out at the street-lit parking lot below them. “Cadman says you’re hiding,” Cam says.
John half-turns, nodding. “Did you know they were sleeping together?”
Cam shakes his head. It’s not really all that surprising, though John seems a little stunned.
“You don’t think they’re planning on having sex here, once Alex is in bed, do you?” John asks, looking genuinely worried about it.
“I think we should leave before they hear you and decide to do it just to mess with your head,” Cam says firmly.
*
They end up at Zio’s, which Alex likes for the open kitchen, John likes for their seafood alfredo and Cam thinks is an over-commercialized travesty of what Italian food should really taste like, no matter how good their cheesecake is. They’ve been there often enough that it’s familiar and comfortable, at least in part because no-one ever looks twice at two men with a child, which sadly can’t be said for a lot of other places.
Cam’s bracing himself for bad news as soon as they walk in, because he knows John well enough to know that if this was just supposed to be a date, they’d be somewhere a lot less generic. John’s chosen Zio’s because it’s somewhere they both feel safe, and because he has something to say that he’s not sure Cam’s going to react well enough to for it to be said at home, when Alex is around.
“Want to order a bottle of wine?” John asks. He sounds so close to normal, like he’s really trying hard to keep Cam from noticing the incredibly obvious, that Cam can’t help but go with it. John’ll get to the point eventually, and pushing for it never works.
“Sure,” he says, and lets John choose. They won’t drink much of it, since someone has to drive them home, but he’s fairly sure they could both do with something to help them relax.
Cam doesn’t pay much attention to what they talk about through dinner, tucked away in a corner of the restaurant, out of hearing distance of the handful of other diners. His mind’s going double-time wondering what John wants to tell him. He’s been recalled to Atlantis for some reason. He’s being promoted and transferred out of the SGC. There’s some kind of problem with Alex, with him being on Earth, or being with Cam, or mixing with Earth children. John wants to go back to Atlantis, with Alex. John wants to go back to Atlantis, without Alex.
When John asks if he wants dessert, he cracks, unable to take the waiting and the worst case scenarios spinning out in his head. “What’s going on?” he asks, glad that his voice comes out sounding normal and relaxed, rather than like he’s ready to snap.
John twirls his half-empty wine glass by the stem, spilling drops of white wine onto the table. “Nothing’s wrong,” he says.
“Okay,” Cam says slowly. “That doesn’t answer the question.”
John gives him a self-deprecating smile. “It’s not –“ He stops, sighs, then looks right at Cam. “I want to quit. The SGC, the Air Force.”
Of all the possible things John could have said, that’s so much better than any of them that Cam wants to just nod, say okay, sure, go for it, out of sheer relief. “Why?” he says instead. John’s got eighteen months to his twenty years.
John sighs again. “I’m bored out of my mind,” he says, sounding like he’s been waiting a while to say it. “I was actually happy to hear the base alarm go off last week, just because it meant I could actually do something worth doing, take a break from paperwork and vetting scientists. All of whom McKay will hate and lecture me about at length by email.”
“Why not ask for a transfer?” Cam asks. He’s pretty sure Landry would pull some strings, if only because O’Neill told him to.
“Where to?” John asks. He’s starting to look a little desperate around the corners of his eyes, the way he used to when he’d been on Earth too long, needed to get home. This is by far the longest he’s been on Earth since he first went to Atlantis. “I can’t – there’s nothing I want that wouldn’t risk leaving you and Alex on your own. I didn’t join the Air Force to fill out forms and turn things on.”
Cam nods, because it’s not like he doesn’t understand that; it’s why he’s not on SG1 any more, why SG1 doesn’t currently exist, and why he’s glad he’s on the 201 program, where he feels like he’s still doing something important, something that matters, even if it’s not him on the front line any more. “What would you do instead?” It’s not like John doesn’t have the money to do nothing, if he wants, from seven years of mostly unused pay while he was in Atlantis, as well as what his dad left him, but if John’s bored at the SGC, he’ll go insane doing nothing.
John looks down, tracing a pattern with the spilled drops of wine, and Cam thinks he’s blushing, though it’s hard to tell in the dim lighting. “I thought, maybe… Colorado has the alternative licensing program, and they’re always looking for math specialists. And working with marines is a lot like working with teenagers some days…”
He trails off, and Cam finally manages to put together what he’s not saying. “High school,” he says. “You want to teach.”
John nods, still studying the table. “I don’t know if I’d be any good, but – but it’s safe, and it’s more… It’s better than pushing paper at the SGC, even for Atlantis.”
“John.” Cam reaches across to touch the back of his hand, waiting for John to look up. “You don’t have to justify it. If it’s what you want…” It’s obvious straight away that John needs more than that, and Cam’s happy to give it, especially when it’s true. “You’ll be great,” he says.
John laughs, still self-conscious, but pleased. “It’s okay? With you?”
“Whatever you want,” Cam says sincerely. “You don’t need my permission, anyway.”
John makes a weird face. “Of course I do,” he says, like it’s obvious.
*
Laura and Vala are fully dressed and watching a gory-looking horror movie over a nearly empty bowl of popcorn when John and Cam get home.
“You’re late,” Vala says, looking pointedly at her watch.
“It’s barely midnight,” Cam protests.
“Some of us need our beauty sleep, Cameron,” Vala says primly.
“By which she means neither of us,” Cadman puts in, standing up and taking the bowl through to the kitchen.
“Naturally, darling,” Vala says over her shoulder. She turns back to Cam and John, who’s unfastening his jacket with great concentration. “Now, boys, what kind of example are you setting to your impressionable young son by staying out until all hours?”
“The kind that he won’t notice because he’s in bed asleep,” John says dryly. “Cadman, any problems?”
“No, sir,” she says as she comes back into the kitchen. “Absolute angel, nothing like his father.”
John shakes his head. “I could still have you up for insubordination, Captain.”
“Not for much longer,” Cam mutters, too low for anyone but John, stood right next to him, to hear. John grins.
“Well, it’s been a pleasure,” Cadman says, offering Vala a hand up from the couch. “And now it’s time for us to go home.”
“Ah, the delights of a cold empty room under a hundred feet of rock,” Vala says pointedly.
Cadman rolls her eyes. “Fine, come stay on my couch. I don’t know why I’m not charging you rent.” Vala opens her mouth, and Cadman puts one hand firmly over it. “Please don’t answer that. He used to be my CO.”
“You’re no fun,” Vala says, but she puts on her coat and shoes and leaves behind Cadman without any more innuendo, which Cam thinks may just be a first.
John locks the door behind them and drifts over to where Cam’s unplugging the TV. “Ready for bed?” he asks, wrapping his arms round Cam from behind.
“Soon as I check on Alex,” Cam agrees, but they stay where they are, pressed together in the lamplight, home.
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John should get to experience fatherhood, because he'd both love it and be fantastic at it, and I love that he'll get to experience it together with Cameron.
Definitely - John's totally a kid person, and between the two of them they'd be like the ultimate cool parents :)
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The parts I probably liked the best were where Cam was talking with John (well, talking at John and thinking to himself) about what to tell his parents, how preemptively defensive he is about not wanting anyone to think badly about John. I also loved the end, because while it's very bittersweet, I can see John wanting to do something like teach so that he can do something important. Who knows, maybe some day when Alex is older and the Wraith have been dealt with, John can be the first schoolmarm of Atlantis.
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They'd both make such great dads, and it makes so much sense that they'd be willing to give up their jobs to have a family if that's what it had to come down to.
Yeah - I think it's a kind of super downsizing of the protective element of their jobs, you know, from the world to just one person, and they would because they're the ones who can, which is also not that dissimilar from their day jobs :)
Who knows, maybe some day when Alex is older and the Wraith have been dealt with, John can be the first schoolmarm of Atlantis.
Oh, God, the mental images! Rodney would mock him because, honestly, Sheppard, if you're going to teach, why not wait until they're at least masters level and intelligent enough for a conversation; Teyla would think it was a great idea, and Ronon would get roped into teaching physical education, and Kanan and Cam would bond over being Atlantis husbands :)
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I'm so torn. Is this good? Is it bad? Will they be happy? Will John resent Cam? Will Cam resent John? Will Alex ever develop a halfway decent sense of interior decor?
I love Sam feeling invested in John and Cam's relationship. And Cam wanting to finally introduce John to his family.
Thank you. This was so much fun. There are too many parts to quote.
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I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
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My day started out with left over crap from yesterday. My son not answering his phone on his birthday and a voice I don't know on his voice mail. I called HOLLAND 3 times and one text message before I emailed him. I got a message this morning from the guy who now has that phone number. It's not my son's any longer...
Shit. It wasn't until I got home after work (6 pm PT) that my son responded to my email. Had crappy day at work and at home...
THIS...made me feel better. Thank you. Just what I needed. How do you always know?
*sigh of contentment*
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Of course now I want to know about John and his adventures as a teacher.
BRAVO!
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Of course now I want to know about John and his adventures as a teacher.
Yeah, it'd be an interesting experience for him :)
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Cam's nearly unquestioning support for John is lovely.
That's one of the things I like about both of them, they're incredibly loyal. Plus, John can probably get away with quite a lot when he's essentially just said that he wants to stick around forever :)
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I think my favorite part of it all was when Cam can't filter himself and is rambling about how much he wants to tell people, because he wants everyone to just know that he's a father and has an boyfriend.
But the entire thing rocks hardcore.
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I think my favorite part of it all was when Cam can't filter himself and is rambling about how much he wants to tell people, because he wants everyone to just know that he's a father and has an boyfriend.
I think that's the biggest difference between them - John's quite happy to keep secrets, but Cam's always had a support system from his parents, so he's used to telling people things, and he wants everyone to know, because he's happy.
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John quitting as a short-timer does surprise me though; the 20 year is a big deal, especially for retirement pay and medical benefits, but be that as it may, high school math teacher is pretty cool.
What I want, is the Sheppard-Mitchell's at grandma's house in Kansas. For Christmas, or the Fourth of July. Mmm, nothing like high summer in a Kansas wheat field. Hell, I might have to write one!
At any rate, always a pleasure, and thank you!
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John quitting as a short-timer does surprise me though
I think for John it's kind of...that he went to Antarctica where he was lonely and bored (in my head, anyway), and then seven years in Atlantis where he was part of something that really mattered, and he can't stand going back. He's willing to try, because it's only going to be two years, but there's this voice in the back of his head telling him he's going to end up resenting Cam and Alex for the way he hates his job, and he doesn't want Alex to grow up and be the same way with John that John was with his father. And in the end, he gave up Atlantis for them, so everything else is easier.
Plus, it's not like he doesn't have money, from one thing and another.
I totally support the idea of the Sheppard-Mitchell's going to visit Cam's parents. Especially if I don't have to write it. Which, hey, I don't, cos you offered :-)
That was totally an offer, right?!
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Would love to see more in this universe.
I started off thinking eep! John/Cam kid fic, help! By the time I was 1000 words in, I had half a page of ideas for bits that I could include, most of which I didn't, so I think it's a fairly safe bet that there'll be more of it. Anything in particular you'd like to see?
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um. that is to say, this fic makes me smile like a complete idiot in a way that can be heard OVER THE PHONE while i tell people how OMFGADORABLE it is.
i love if from the very start of cold John with a kid in his lap on Cam's doorstep, the real hurt of John giving up Atlantis and how he's willing to because he wants to be a father so much and never knew (which, personally, i'm totally on board with because he is SO GOOD with kids on the show!) and Cam finally giving up SG-1, and how Cam can't say no even if he wanted to AND FLYING-->SEX YAY and when he goes “Hey, if you need back-up to look after my son, who am I to argue?” because Alex has become HIS son too and OMG BONUSPOINTS FOR CADMAN/VALA!!! i didn't see that coming! i'm pretty good at random but seriously hot rarepairings and this is one i didn't even think of and EEEE "Don't, he used to be my CO!" and ohh, John with his white shirt and aftershave and DATE! and "Of COURSE I need your permission!" and yes. *incoherent flail*
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he's willing to because he wants to be a father so much and never knew
Yeah - he pretty much gave up on the idea of having kids in favour of a career, and so it's kind of a shock to him to realise how much he wanted it when suddenly he had it.
BONUSPOINTS FOR CADMAN/VALA!!! i didn't see that coming!
Me either, until I got there... which is pretty much how my plots always work :)
John/Cam lovin'...
You do write the best John/Cam stories EVER!
Do you believe us now?
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Also, lol for Vala/Cadman ;)
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I know most people love the idea of the two people in the pairing being together secretly and a bit isolated together, but I'm totally the opposite-i love writing them as part of a circle of supportive people. And I really want to have some of the atlantis crew show up at their house.
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Adding my voice to the dozen others here who would LOVE to see a sequel! Especially with the extended family. Cam, John, and Alex in Kansas with the Mitchell clan! With Dave in that huge mansion with the horses!
Also, Teal'c and Jack baby-sitting would be hi-LAR-ious.
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It's definitely sad that John's had to leave Atlantis, when it's like a part of him, like a limb he's had to amputate.
That is the maor problem with this pairing - unless it goes really au, either they have an incredibly long-distance relationship and never see each other, or there's a sad John-without-Atlantis moment. I kind of think, in this case, that he considers it a more-or-less fair trade - one of the better ways he could have had to leave.
Cam, John, and Alex in Kansas with the Mitchell clan!
I'd love to see this too, and I don't have to write it (glee!) because
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I;m glad you stuck it out regardless :)
Thanks for commenting.
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Cam and John make great fathers, Alex is adorable without being too cloying, and the quiet angst added a nice bit of tension into their otherwise happy little family. Plus you got Sam and Vala and Cadman in. Score!
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Okay, apparently my love of domestic hurt/comfort kidfic crosses OTP lines.
You've figured out the John/Cam OTPers secret plan - conversion through kid fic. No-one can resist!
Alex is adorable without being too cloying
Thank you - I don't have a lot to do with children, so the idea of writing one was more than a bit nerve-wracking. I was convinced he was going to be either sickeningly cute or way to adult.
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