Help!

[bluflamingo]

He looks around, and there’s the Ferris wheel, and right, he was looking for Cam, when he bumped into him

How do I rephrase this to get rid of 'he bumped into him'? He being John and him being Cam. I tried 'when John bumped into him,' and 'when he bumped into Cam,' and even 'the other boy,' but none of them sound right and I'm stuck. Help!

Comments

[bluflamingo]

The timeline makes sense in context - they're together now, and an hour ago, Cam ran into John. So now he's remembering that, when Cam ran into him, he (John) was looking for Cam. I'm starting to think my GCSE English tutor had a point when she said to write about a male and a female character, so you don't have pronoun issues!

Are you writing about John and Cam as teenagers?? If you are, omigod, I may have to marry you and have your babies!

That sounds...biologically complicated :o) But yes, I am, for rarepairs on Monday.