Help!

[bluflamingo]

He looks around, and there’s the Ferris wheel, and right, he was looking for Cam, when he bumped into him

How do I rephrase this to get rid of 'he bumped into him'? He being John and him being Cam. I tried 'when John bumped into him,' and 'when he bumped into Cam,' and even 'the other boy,' but none of them sound right and I'm stuck. Help!

Comments

[sid]

I'm not sure how much this helps, but I think the comma after 'Cam' should go.

Oh, and maybe make it 'when they bumped into each other'?

[bluflamingo]

That does help, thanks.